http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24ICmB1Mka8
Whenever I hear this song I think of Mr JT. (JT = Justin Timberlake). He looks exactly
like JT with the only difference being that he is taller and a lot more
muscular.
This song is from the Twilight (1st movie)
soundtrack and I still remember the night (January 2009) the two of us went to
see the movie. I wanted to see the movie and he didn’t seem to be phased by
what I chose. For some reason, that night is etched into my memory for
eternity. I remember waiting for him in front of the cinema. We met directly
after work and it was a Friday, so I was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, and I
was wearing what was later to become “our scarf”. The scarf is a completely different story…LOL!
I go through these weird little phases where I “fall in love”
with a certain type of candy for weeks on end. During that period I was into
lollipops. I remember waiting for him (while eating the lollipop ;) ) I remember turning around, and as I did I saw him
standing a couple of meters away from me, just standing there staring at me
with this beautiful smile on his face. His smiles had this way of making my
whole being just melt into oblivion of happiness.
He walked up to me, gave me a kiss and a hug and said: “You
look so cute and coy today”. I remember
when we went to sit down in the cinema, waiting for the movie to start. I
kicked my shoes off, curled my feet in under me, put my right hand on his back
(he was seated to my right), tucked myself in behind his left shoulder, and I
then put my left hand up his left arm’s sleeve (he was wearing a t-shirt). I
always do this when I’m relaxed and comfortable around a guy. He put his left
hand on my legs and pulled me closer, or as close as the seats would allow us.
Afterwards he told me that he was surprised when I put my
hand up his sleeve, as he’s never had a girl do that with him before. I
apologised, cause it's an instinctive thing I do. He laughed and said: “Don’t apologise, I loved
it” and then he kissed me….
It wasn’t a huge date night, it wasn’t a huge romantic
evening but for some reason that night is one of my most vivid memories I share
with him. We had many memories, but this is one of the more beautiful ones
that got stuck in my mind, and this song always takes me back to that night.
Today I had my music on random selection while working and
this song popped up…
I miss him. He was the second man to break my heart. The
first man to break my heart was my ex-husband. Then came Mr JT, and the third
man to break my heart…well. I don’t want to talk about him.
All I can say is that amongst all the heartache in my life,
I’ve experienced and shared some magical and powerful memories in love.
Sadly a couple of months after that night I remember another
night with him. We were at a party at a friend’s house, and he was dating
someone else. She didn’t come with to the party, still don’t know why. Anyway,
later that night he pulled me into the bathroom, pushed me up against the wall
and we started fighting. He fought with me cause he didn’t realise I had
feelings for him and I fought with him cause I couldn’t understand how he
couldn’t know that I had feelings for him. He kissed me with such hunger and
passion that night, and then he would push me away and tell me how we can’t do
this cause he is with someone else now. Then he started telling me about how he
didn’t want to give me “the scarf” back. I left it at his house and I literally
had to fight for weeks to get it back.
He told me that night in the bathroom through all the kissing and fighting how he would sniff my scarf cause my perfume,
my smell was all over it. For him it was the only thing/reminder he had of me. The "bathroom night" was in June 2009. We went back and forth for a long time, but I finally
made the decision for us both in April 2011. I ended everything and deleted him
from my life. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but it was better for the both of us. We didn’t
belong together.
I still remember the Halloween party we attended in 2010…what
a night. He ended up cracking my one rib. LOL!!! It was one of those nights
that neither one of us will ever forget…but it was also the last night that we
were together physically. I went to
Mozambique for a holiday that December and I came back a different person. I
remember coming back from Moz in January on the Wednesday night, and the Friday
night he came to fetch me for drinks with friends. He was so excited to see me
that he rushed past my cousin, scooped me up and hugged and kissed me hello. He
was so excited to see me…but I already knew that night that things were different
and nothing will ever be what it was before…we were done…not because we didn't care about each other but because he will never be able to accept me for who I am. I will never be the perfect little princess he wanted me to be. I am a dark soul and it is a struggle for me to be this shiny, friendly bubbly person. Yes I can be those things at certain times, but not all the time. Not the way he wanted it. I knew that night that he would never be able to love me for all that I am, and that was one of the biggest reasons we bounced back in forth for such a long time.
Sigh…I still have the scarf. It’s in my cupboard but I don’t
wear it anymore. It still hurts sometimes seeing that scarf, thinking of him,
and remembering all that was there, knowing what will never be again.
Today’s gloomy weather, hearing that song again and
remembering all of this definitely puts a bit of a damper on my mood. A girl
can’t be happy and smiling 24/7. It’s okay to reminisce and feel sad about lost
loves...
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